


Heart Taking Root

by DoubleMastectomy



Category: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys: California (Comics)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, M/M, Mutual Pining, One Shot, Pining, Pre-Canon, also cw for self-sacrificial talk I really don't know a tag that'd be good for that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:01:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27577556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoubleMastectomy/pseuds/DoubleMastectomy
Summary: Somewhere in the desert, after a late night bonfire, Vinyl can't help but watch Val. Lost in his own thoughts, he struggles to name how he feels.
Relationships: Val Velocity/Vinyl (Fabulous Killjoys)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 16





	Heart Taking Root

He’s laying next to Val in the white sand and dry grass. In the sky is nothing but a deep blue and a sprinkling of pin-prick stars (light from the fire pit, yards away, dilutes them). The air is cool, but not uncomfortably so, and when he turns his head towards Val every corner of his chest warms.

Val in this light is beautiful. Quiet and thoughtful looking up at the moon, Val’s always the most beautiful when he’s quiet. He’s the most beautiful loud too. And not a moment goes by in which Vinyl isn’t acutely aware of it.

He turns away and pretends that he hadn’t just been staring. If he focuses on his breath, he can keep it slow.

Silence rests over them like a blanket, but it’s thick and heavy. He wonders if that’s what Val’s thinking about too. He wonders if Val’s as self aware in this moment as he is. Vinyl’s self aware; of the tension in his shoulders, of his stiff legs falling asleep, of his hand at his side so empty it burns. What’s Val thinking about? Vinyl risks another glance. Val lays there so uncaring, soft, like a perfect reflection of the sky above. Val’s hand is by his side as well, too empty as well, and an odd number of inches away from Vinyl’s. It takes all of Vinyl’s effort not to reach for it - not to hold, just to touch. It takes all his effort not to go further, like he goes further in his thoughts, holding Val close and tight until there’s nothing between them but their heartbeats.

But he knows he can’t. Not now. Not yet. It always seems to be a game of “not yet” with Val, but it’s their favorite game to play. It’s a game of waiting until Val isn’t scared (a rare holiday), and a game of waiting until Vinyl’s internal monologue (always disobedient) figures out the difference between what’s love and what’s sacrifice. He watches Val’s chest as he breathes. He makes it look almost-easy. Vinyl feels guilt bubble in his throat, but he imagines what it’d be like to die in Val’s arms. He closes his eyes, frustrated, and makes note that he still needs to wait then, it’s still “not yet.” That has to be good enough for now.

It’s a while later that Vaya joins them. Vinyl hasn’t stirred, frozen stiff and feigning rest, but he can hear the crunch of Vaya’s boots when they sit down beside Val.

“Is he asleep?”

Val shifts and hums noncommittally. “Think so. Shit, it’s probably close to dawn isn’t it?”

Their voice is quiet and casual, “Dunno.”

Vinyl doesn’t know why he doesn’t move, but after a few seconds pass it’s already too late for him to roll over and join the conversation. Truth be told, maybe he thinks the conversation will be more interesting this way. Maybe he thinks Vaya might say, “You two look cute together, out here by yourselves.” Maybe he thinks Val would respond, “I know, and I love him. I love him and wish I could say it to his face. I could be his whole world if only he asked.” Vinyl stifles the shivers that sprout in his shoulders at the thought. He shouldn’t have imagined that. They wouldn’t say those things, he's putting words in their mouths. He focuses on his breath, keeping it slow. The grass below him pricks through his clothes.

“Oh,” Vaya speaks suddenly, softly, “Almost forgot. I brought this over for you.”

Through his eyelashes Vinyl watches Vaya drop a thin quilt on Val sitting up on his elbows. Vinyl closes his eyes again too quickly and tries his best to stomach how stupid he feels right now, eavesdropping like a child.

Val scoffs, “Thanks.”

“Figured it’s chilly out and your jacket is shit.”

“I said _thanks_.”

Vinyl cracks a smile, if only for half a second, and if only so slight it could be passed off as dreaming.

“You going to sleep too?” There's disappointment in Vaya's voice.

“Party’s over, Vaya.”

“Yeah.”

They sigh when they trudge off again, likely to find somewhere better to sleep if not someone better to chat with. As their footsteps fade, silence falls over Vinyl again denser than before. Vinyl should probably go to sleep too, for real, and it would be so easy to do. He can feel the bags under his eyes weighing him down. But every nerve in his head is alight. And if he were to fall asleep before Val, then he’d miss the joy of watching Val sleep.

He pinches his leg as that thought crosses his mind. He reminds himself: Not Yet. He needs to stop thinking like that. It only makes him feel as though he’s doing something wrong, and maybe he is. Still he imagines, again, dying in Val’s arms.

It wouldn’t be for nothing of course. His dreams are always to the flavor of martyrdom. To the sugary taste of killing a scarecrow for Val or of taking a bullet for him, to save him, to save him time and time again every time his mind wanders off in a loop. To save him from BL/i, from a fire, from a storm. Holding him, being held. And every dream ends the same way: with Val gasping in final realization and confessing simply, “Oh, I never realized you were so beautiful.”

But that’s not love. Vinyl knows that’s not what love is supposed to be. Love is not a fight, especially not one followed by loss. Love is, from what he’s been told, gentle. Love is simple. Uneventful even. Love is when lovers do nothing at all together. And what are Vinyl and Val doing? Nothing at the moment. Vinyl pinches himself again.

He thinks Val’s already asleep by the time he feels the weight of the quilt laid over himself. It’s not much, it’s lighter than the silence at least, but instantly his cheeks run hot. He nearly stirs on reflex. Val wraps the blanket around him, snug but gentle, and Vinyl almost breathes again thinking that’s the end of it. Until, with just his fingertips coasting across Vinyl’s forehead, Val brushes the stray hairs off his face.

Vinyl wishes Val’d kiss him like that, or huddle close, or hold his hand. As expected he doesn’t. He pulls away to lay back down, inches away like before but maybe a few inches closer.

Under the cool moonlight Vinyl accepts he won’t be able to fall asleep at this rate, but tentatively he rewrites his “not yet” to “maybe soon” and that’s good enough for now.

**Author's Note:**

> these bitches need some therapy I stg hfgdjhg <3 maybe one day I'll write some good post-canon of them after they've worked through all their feelings, but anyway!! comments and kudos are appreciated like always, thank u!


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